he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
