If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
