some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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