I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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