She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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