honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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