Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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