they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She's the barista slut.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
