that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
