How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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