his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just had sex on a roof
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
