A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
