Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
