Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
