I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm at about main and main street
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
