he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
