I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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