You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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