Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
