I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
