It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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