FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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