Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
