dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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