No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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