It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
