U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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