Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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