Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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