I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
