you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
