Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
