I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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