i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
