Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
