he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Randomize
