He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
