...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
