I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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