Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
