You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
