you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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