Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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