I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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