I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
