He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
