OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
