I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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