I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
