So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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