Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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