I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
