I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
