After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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