I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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