last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
